A number of years ago, I was the in-house candidate for a promotion. I was actually doing the job as a temporary assignment, and my boss was very pleased with my work. When the job vacancy was announced, she even handed me an advance copy. The day after the applications closed, I found out who the other candidates were, and that I was the best qualified. However, the next day, Heather, a woman from another district, called my manager’s boss to inquire about the job, as her husband to be had just been transferred into the area and she wanted to follow. Heather had an impressive resume and had already held jobs at a higher level than the one I wanted to be promoted for.

My boss and another manager interviewed all the candidates, including Heather and me. I was told that I had the best interview, which amazed me considering how nervous I was. But Heather had more experience, and got the job.

I could have reacted to this in two different ways. I could have been bitter that Heather came in at the last minute and basically took my dream job away from me. I could have been angry with her and refused to help her, or even speak with her. I have observed many people do this when denied a promotion.

But I chose the second path. I welcomed Heather to the team, and showed her the specifics of our office. I helped her out as much as I could. She didn’t take the job to keep me out of it; she took the job to be with her husband. She was in our office for a week before she even knew that I had been a candidate for the job.

My attitude worked out in the long run. For one thing, another promotion came along that was better for my family. A year or so later, the office that Heather was in went through restructuring and that job was eliminated. Fortunately, she was able to get another job in our company.

Fast forward to the present. Last week, my boss assigned me to conduct audits in other locations, and told me to contact Heather for the paperwork. Heather and I have crossed paths several times over the years, but haven’t worked closely together since the few months between our promotions. However, Heather clearly remembers the welcoming attitude that I showed to her.

She didn’t just send me the paperwork. She invited me to meet her at a location half-way between our offices, and walked me through an audit, showing me the finer points that don’t appear on the paperwork. She explained her philosophy of how to conduct an accurate audit without making enemies out of the people being audited. In short, Heather went out of her way, above and beyond, to help me, taking several hours out of her day to do so. Heather’s actions were positive repercussions of my actions several years ago.

Do the right thing – it comes back to you in unexpected ways!

If you are happy in your career and home life, then skip this book. But if you are wondering if you are in the right job, or wondering what career paths to pursue, then this book is for you.

First, a definition. Most of us think of our personal strengths as things we are good at. I’m an excellent typist, so based on that line of thinking, I’d be great at data entry. Unfortunately, data entry bores me to death. By Buckingham’s definition, strengths are what invigorate us, that energize us and provide a sense of positive success and satisfaction. For me, that would be having my employees succeed after I’ve coached them through a difficult spot.

Buckingham’s book is designed primarily for women, and was inspired by a workshop he did on the Oprah Winfrey Show. His goal is to help women find their strengths, and then focus on the areas of their lives that energize them to carve out their best life possible.

The book includes directions to an online test to determine where your strengths are. Unlike Buckingham’s previous books on strengths leadership, there are only nine “life roles” listed, and the test is geared toward women, with questions about choices we make at home and at work. If you are looking for leadership strengths, then I recommend Buckingham’s “Strengths 2.0″ or the original “Now Discover Your Strengths”. But if you want to find out what energizes you personally, then this test is the one to take.

Buckingham is quick to point out that many women have bought into the superwoman myth that says that we should be perfect wives, mothers and workers, performing a balancing act where we give equally to each role in our life. Buckingham points out that such a balance is not only unnecessary, but may be harmful. He points out that if our work drains our energy, then we won’t have energy for our families.

The second part of the book is the best, as it provides real-life answers for both career and home, including such questions as how to handle being laid off, why you might (or might not) want to consider a career change, and surviving setbacks and the feeling of being overwhelmed.

I recommend this book if you want inspiration to make some positive changes in your life. Many of us have forgotten what energizes us and lifts us above the daily grind. Buckingham will help you find it again.

Managers lead stressful lives. We have to answer to the expectations of our bosses, our employees, our customers, and even our families. We can’t eliminate stress, but we can manage it.

One way that I manage stress is to organize my tasks. I list things that must be done, should be done, and that it would be nice to have done. In other words, I divide tasks by critical, essential and optional. Sometimes a task that should be optional takes far too much time, and I have to put it aside. I also look at what tasks I can delegate to others. Do I really need to be shredding old paperwork, or can I assign that to one of my employees?

How do I know when I need to reorganize or reprioritize? When I start to feel overwhelmed, or when I start missing details or meetings. I know when I’m less efficient than normal, and when it is time to take a few minutes and regroup.

One way I manage stress is to take care of myself. The more stress is in my life, the more I need to eat right and get enough sleep. I also need to plan relaxation. When things are stressful, nothing relaxes me more than grabbing the kids and going to the movies. I love a good comedy, and for a couple of hours, I can lose my stress in the dark movie theater.

Another time, I packed up the kids and went to a hotel with an indoor water park on a winter weekend. I knew that I needed to get away, and we all had a great time.

What do you do to relax?

The third way I relieve stress is to talk with my supportive circle of friends. I’m an introvert, so I don’t have a lot of casual friendships, but I do have a handful of close friends that I can count on any time. I trust that what I tell these friends will not be shared with anyone else. I trust these friends to tell me when I’m doing something foolish. And I trust these friends to help me keep things in perspective. I’ll never forget calling one of these friends in tears because I didn’t get a promotion that I wanted. She let me indulge in self-pity for a few minutes, and then she reminded me of my spouse and children and the important things in my life.

When I first became a supervisor, I didn’t have those deep friendships, and had no one to turn to when the stress became too great to handle. I learned the value of deep, supportive friendships, and the importance of taking time to maintain those relationships.

Who is in your support group? Have you reached out to them lately?

My company, a nationwide concern, provides a great deal of on-the-job training for supervisors and managers.  Our new leaders learn such things as financial regulations and how to pull productivity reports.  They are taught corporate goals and operational best practices.  Supervisors learn the basics of labor relations and receive an overview of human resources.  However, very little leadership training is given to anyone below the middle management level.

So where does a supervisor/manager turn to learn or improve leadership skills?  I learn from people, leadership resources, and books.

Take a look at the leaders that you have known.  What do they do right?  What mistakes do they make?  Do they admit their mistakes and learn from them?  Observe them handle a situation.  Would you handle it the same way?  Note that you can learn from both good leaders and bad.  One example I always want to remember was the supervisor who used to tell me to do things “because I said so”.  She never offered an explanation, and was offended if I asked a question.  I do not want to follow that example!

Find a mentor.  A mentor can be inside or outside your company.  Some companies have formal mentoring programs.  Others encourage senior managers to find and mentor employees.  A mentor may guide you in ways to advance your career, or may simply be a more experienced leader who can offer advice and wisdom from experience.

During one tough financial stretch for the company, I had just been assigned to a new work group.  Within two weeks of arriving, I was directed to control costs by reducing the work hours of the part time employees.  Suddenly, I was faced with telling three people that I barely knew that I had to cut back their hours.  My mentor coached me in the best way to approach my employees about this.  The employees had suggestions on how to manage the hours, such as giving them an extra day off each week and letting the others work longer hours on the remaining days.

Find leadership resources online.  There are many daily, weekly or monthly blogs and mailing lists about leadership.  Some are geared for general supervision while others are geared for middle and upper level managers. The best thing about online resources is that they provide a short lesson on leadership that I use as a type of leadership continuing education or mini-refresher course.

How do you find these resources?  I have discovered some that are run by my favorite authors, and some have been recommended to me by other managers.  Two of my favorites are The Center for Creative Leadership (www.ccl.org) and Giant Impact (www.giantimpact.com).

Read a book, or several books.  One of my favorite authors is Patrick Lencioni, because he is so readable yet has so many basic truths in his writing.  “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team” helped me cope with some difficult coworkers.  John Maxwell is another who has written many volumes on leadership, including “Winning with People”, which includes tips for everyone, even introverts like me.  David Cottrell has written “Leadership Courage” and “Monday Morning Mentoring”, both of which have great nuggets of wisdom for both new and experienced leaders.

These books are available in most bookstores, and also at many libraries.  I live in a town of almost 13,000, with a typical small-town library.  Despite this, there are titles by both Maxwell and Lencioni in the library, and other authors and titles can be ordered through interlibrary loan for a small fee.

Use these resources, and watch your leadership skills grow!

The first bit of advice that I have is to control what you can. I find that I am more comfortable with certain types of presentations. I prefer a PowerPoint presentation so that the audience focuses on the screen and not me. At one time, I also managed to choose which audience I spoke to. We had four supervisors on our shift, and each of us was tasked with giving one talk a week. I chose to do my talks on Saturdays. I was more comfortable with this group, as they were mostly junior and had joined the department after I had. I also felt that the junior people were the ones who would benefit most from training.

If you have a choice of topics, pick something that you are familiar with. I am much more comfortable talking about finance issues than I am about our production and distribution operations.

Prepare for the presentation by thinking about possible questions that you might be asked. This works both for presentations and for interviews. The best job interview I ever had was one where I had sat down with a list of possible questions from a book on interviews, and written out the answers to each one. Even though I am sometimes so nervous in interviews that I can’t remember my own name, I did very well in that one because I had thought through my responses ahead of time.

Practice your presentation. Get a friend or family member to listen and observe both your presentation and your body language. Find someone who you trust to tell you the truth in love. If your sister is hypercritical, then she probably isn’t the best person for this. Another way to practice is to join an organization like Toastmasters, which exists to help people improve public speaking.

Finally, keep doing presentations. The more that you do, the more comfortable you’ll feel as you realize that you’ve made it through another one. About a year ago, I attended a meeting where we were broken up into teams to solve problems. Each team would have a spokesperson that would make the presentation for the team.

The second topic was a subject that I was very familiar and felt comfortable with, so I volunteered to be the spokeswoman. The district manager was there, but he didn’t worry me, because I was new to my position and he didn’t know me by sight. However, just before I started my presentation, another manager that I did know came in, and this manager made me very nervous.

I managed to get through the presentation, but my hand shook as I held the team’s notes, and my voice quavered. But I kept going. I wasn’t going to let my nerves get in the way of the presentation. The most important thing that I remember about the presentation was that I got through it. Nobody laughed, nobody whispered behind my back, and a few people encouraged me after I sat down.

Every time I do a presentation, it gets a bit easier. I know that I’ve gotten through them before, and I can get through it again.

Tomorrow, I have to take a road trip with a total stranger named Adam. We are visiting different offices for our company and performing an evaluation at each office. We will repeat the process on Thursday at different locations.

I had never even heard Adam’s name before last week. We have spoken on the phone three or four times. I have no idea what he looks like, but I will be watching for his car at our meeting place. We’ll be spending about two hours together in the car between stops. That’s not a great situation for a conversationally-challenged introvert to be in.

From our phone conversations, I get the impression that Adam may be an extrovert and will carry the conversation for me. If not, I have a plan to get through the day.

I am fortunate that Adam is an expert in the area that we’ll be evaluating. I have several questions in mind to ask him about the material we’ll be covering. But I’m sure that won’t be enough to occupy us during the ride. So if the conversation lags to an uncomfortable silence, I can ask Adam how long he has been in the company, where he got his start and how long he’s been in his current job.

Some books say that asking about spouses and children is a good way to start a conversation, but I’ve never been very comfortable asking unless I know that the person is married or has kids. I once had a coworker return to our office after a ten year absence. I remembered that his children had been around 11 and 9 when he left, and I asked him if they were in college. I didn’t realize how upset he was with them for not going to college and the question ended the conversation on a down note. So I’m not very comfortable asking personal questions!

Tomorrow’s trip is definitely a bit out of my comfort zone. However, I was selected by my manager’s boss for this assignment because it requires integrity to do the evaluations correctly. This is a positive assignment to add to my resume and hopefully will help me get a promotion eventually, so I feel that it is worth moving out of my comfort zone for.

It’s not easy moving out of your comfort zone for any reason. However, I have found that it can be rewarding. I have also learned that it is easier to move out of my comfort zone if I have planned some of it in advance, such as the questions I have ready to ask Adam tomorrow.

I’ve watched my husband do this several times. He would walk into a party or meeting, and within minutes knows the occupation and interests of at least a dozen people in the room. I remember being horrified when he was introduced to a lawyer at church and immediately asked for legal advice.

But that is so not me. If I don’t know anyone at a gathering, I’m more likely to talk to only a few people than work the crowd. I’ll happily answer questions, but I feel like I’m intruding if I ask a stranger personal questions.

I used to worry about my lack of networking skills. But then I realized that networking isn’t about working a crowd; it’s about building relationships. I also realized that networking doesn’t have to be done in a social environment.

Relationships are built one conversation at a time. I have built my business reputation this way. You won’t find me smoozing with the district manager at a convention anytime soon, and I didn’t set out to network with anyone. Yet I find I have developed network connections.

Some of these were accidental. In one case, a district staff member called our office with a question on a day when the boss was out and I was off. She talked with three of my fellow managers, none of whom could locate the information. One of them mentioned my name in an attempt to put the staff member off. The next morning, I walked in to find my phone ringing. The question wasn’t in my area of expertise, but I took the information, told the staff member that I would look into it and get back to her. I wasn’t networking, per se; I was simply doing my job and being helpful. Yet that staff member took note of my willingness to help, and was more than helpful when I called her office with a question a few months later. Based on these interactions, she spoke highly of me to her peers, and enhanced my reputation.

I have a handful of people that are my close friends that I trust to tell me the truth and not praise me to curry favor. One time, my boss informed me that I had been requested for a temporary assignment, training at the next management level. Unfortunately, we were short-staffed at the time, and my boss could not afford to let me go without a replacement. This was a truly plum temporary assignment, and I was crushed. I called one of my friends for moral support, and was shocked when she offered one of her employees to replace me. Again, I wasn’t intentionally networking; I was calling to cry on her shoulder. But the end results were the same.
So don’t be afraid of networking. Like any other relational task, it may take us introverts a little longer to be recognized or to establish connections and earn respect. But it will come.

As an introvert, I’m not one to start a casual conversation with someone I don’t know well. If you ask me about my family, I’ll be happy to tell you, and I might even ask about your family during the conversation. But I am not comfortable walking up to strangers and asking if they have children.

This is a bit of a problem, because in the past three years, I’ve taken assignments that have put me in charge of three different offices, each with employees that I hadn’t met before. Each one had challenges that I had to motivate the employees to meet in ways that they had never done before. I was successful in each office, because I followed the same basic outline.

I was worried when I went to the first office. Going there was a chance for advancement, but it was also way out of my comfort zone. I knew that my people skills weren’t up to par, and I read everything I could get my hands on about motivating people. There were suggestions in those books that I’ll never be able to try, but I also gleaned enough techniques that I was comfortable with attempting and made work.

The first office was known as a top office, except for the retail unit. Retail had several employees who had been with the company for years and did not have any interest in up-selling products or doing anything besides ringing up items for customers and going home at the end of the day. Like many other retailers, we had mystery shoppers who were hired to evaluate our performance periodically, and that office’s performance was abysmal. On my first day, the senior retail employee turned to the supervisor that introduced me and said, “I’ve only got 18 months until I retire. I don’t think she can fire me before that.” I knew that I had my work cut out for me.

The first technique that I used was to follow the old adage, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Some managers, like the one I mentioned above, show how much they care about individual employees. That’s difficult for me to do. Instead, I showed the employees that I cared about them as a unit. Our office had five supervisors, but I made sure that I was always the first one to respond to a page for management assistance. Some managers would shrug off employee requests for supplies, but I made their requests my highest priority. I saw my job to be that of a servant leader, and my main mission was to support my people.

I was fortunate enough to arrive at the end of October. I supported my people through the busy holiday season. Once January rolled around, I started seriously addressing mystery shopper scores. There were a few missteps, but by May, the senior retail employee had his first ever 100% mystery shop score.

The second technique that I used was to take notes. If Amy mentioned that her son Jason was serving in the Army, I wrote it down. If Frank mentioned his love of baseball, it went into the notebook. Writing things down helped in two ways. First, just the act of writing helped me to remember names. Second, I later made a short list of personal details for each employee so that I had something to bring up in conversation with them. It also helped when I knew that I was going to meet the spouses (is Jim’s wife named Joan or Joanne?).

By doing these things, I showed my employees that I cared. They grew to respect my knowledge, but knowledge is useless unless it can be shared with those who need it. Once they knew that I cared, they were willing to listen as I shared the information to help them do their jobs better.

I admit it:  I’m an introvert.  I’ve been called shy, quiet, reserved, reticent and taciturn.  I don’t stand out in a crowd, and I’m not likely to strike up a conversation with you if we meet on a bus or airplane.

I am also a successful manager for a major US business.  I’ve been referred to as having a high level of initiative and dedication.  I’ve been recognized for motivating my employees to new levels.  I’m in my 40’s, and I’ve spent over 17 years in management.

My success as a manager has come because I have learned to lead with my strengths and work around my weaknesses.  I’ve learned to deal with people.  I’ll never be one to initiate casual conversation with a stranger or an acquaintance, but I do know how to show my people that I care without violating my personal boundaries.

Some introverted readers will want to believe that I can’t be as shy as they are, or I can’t really be a successful manager.  I assure you that I am both.  For example, a year ago, I was offered a temporary assignment to replace a higher-level manager at another office.  My boss was friendly with the woman I was going to be replacing, and he suggested several times that I call her and ask what her problems were before I accepted the assignment.  The thought of calling up a stranger and asking her to give me detailed information on her problems left me cold.  I just couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone and say, “Hi, you don’t know me, but I want your job.”  I did finally call her, but only after we had exchanged e-mails and she knew that I was coming to replace her.

Nor am I particularly adept socially.  I can recall one luncheon that I attended of managers from across the state.  This was my first state luncheon, and I arrived 15 minutes before the scheduled start time to find that the only empty tables were reserved for speakers and staff.  I wandered around lost for a few minutes, trying to find a seat, when a dear friend swooped down and dragged me to a table where we squeezed in.  I was never more grateful to see anyone in my life.

My hope is that as you read my blogs, you’ll find the courage to become a great leader, even if you are introverted.  If you are the manager of an introvert, then I hope that you’ll help them to come out of their shell and share their knowledge with the world.